entry 75 [05 May 2006|10:51am] ( lately )

entry 74 [04 May 2006|03:04am] ( i need to sign off but )

entry 73 [01 May 2006|11:26pm] ( i'm so thankful )

entry 72 [28 Apr 2006|01:12am] ( will spill later )

entry 71 [22 Apr 2006|09:24pm] i'm so busy looking at pictures of other people's friendships that i've wasted too much time to make my own. my time in boston has either been a bubble wrap of falsity or truth. that i'm still trying to decipher. for far worse than better, it has managed to convince me that i will never know what it is like to have a group of friends and by friends, i mean a best friend, a girl best friend that you can giggle, laugh, & share secrets with. somehow i've managed to leave my mark. just like everywhere i go, but this time around i'm seeing how it can make you feel like nothing. i just get eyes that follow & comments from all the randoms about how i'll be a celebrity. but you don't know me. & how can my dress code be all that great? when all i wear is black. somehow i give off something. but i just question everyone's intelligence because i'm pretty sure all i give off is sadness & excitement to leave this time behind. the other night my phone went off at 4:39am "your love is a long long haul!" from: christian i couldn't help him. i couldn't even care. i would have chucked my phone against the wall had i not been so cold & indifferent. 4:39am! when will he learn? booze & tears leads you to desperation, i suppose. lately i've been daydreaming.. of rooftops & stair ladders. champagne & bubble baths. polaroids & giraffes at a park in the grove. raw fish & tomatoes. being tucked in & music as conversation. everyday i dream of happiness everyday i dream of friends i can't wait to actually begin & end this paper on how individuals rely on fashion to express and explore their inner characters and personalities that may not be otherwise noticed because of social constraints (yeah i came up with that question) and then i'm tucking myself in bed & flipping through magazines cutting out inspiration & reading article by article on artists & muses. i get offers every night on my phone to do something it sounds lovely at first, by when the times crawls around i get so emeressed in looking through articles, surfing the web looking for the muse of past & future history that i have no desire to put on all my coats to leave & look like i'm enjoying myself when everyone's getting drunk & i'm just sippin' i should have gotten netflicks like i had planned there are so many movies i need to see..

entry 70 [20 Apr 2006|10:56pm] [ music | ivy - the guestroom ] ( i've recently.. ) 8 comments| comment

entry 69 [20 Apr 2006|09:38am] [ mood | ? ] ( what i woke up to ) 1 comment| comment

entry 68 [06 Apr 2006|09:12am] [ music | rogue wave ] ( chelsea's forecast )

entry 67 [01 Apr 2006|07:03pm] ( spring )

entry 66 [30 Mar 2006|12:06am] [ music | the clientele / my own face inside the.. ] ( nothing important now )

entry 65 [20 Mar 2006|12:54am] [ mood | crossroads ] ( and it is like my heart.. well that it is on speed )

entry 64 [17 Mar 2006|01:41am] ( hellogoodbye )

entry 63 [15 Mar 2006|11:51pm] ( hmm )

entry 62 [15 Mar 2006|12:08am] [ music | michelle featherstone - coffee & cigarettes ] it is always interesting to hear the music that a certain someone hears and thinks of you to. the song had a certain sadness, but for some reason it was a sadness.. a desperation.. i was proud of a message i was okay with & that i most certaintly agreed with - for better or for worse. ( lyrics )

entry 61 [13 Mar 2006|02:19pm] [ mood | regretful ] [ music | electric president - good morning hypocrite ] i cannot believe i could have ever used words so cruel, to you. a perfect time immediately dissolved and let loose into the night.. if i could take back every syllable, every vowel, i would. i love you too much, i love us.. i will write soon

entry 61 [07 Mar 2006|11:34am] [ mood | guilty ] ( i've been )

entry 60 [06 Mar 2006|05:08pm] [ music | aimee mann - wise up ] ( inside my head )

entry 59 [04 Mar 2006|11:47am] ( harsh and rock )

entry 58 [28 Feb 2006|09:45pm] [ mood | a romance to fall back on ] [ music | jaymay - sea green see blue ] ( me imagining ) september 2 to april 13th, but whos counting? song after song after song after song amounting into mountains he told me you beat her up behold the "super keith" on the cup what's up, enoughs enough, where's my morning coffee? i regret every single thing i ever said, i said those things too softly hmmmm there was you, there was me in the room with the alcoholic guest you asked if we should sleep on these cardboard sheets i said "yes, okay, let's" the sculptor we hardly knew his limbs were lying askew sea green, see blue hmmm you tossed your phone fifity feet in the air, i cant believe you caught it you said whatever you wanted to as long as you thought it should be true you dream, you make movies, you dance, moved to montreal . . . to be closer to france how's that working out, hows the music, hows the food i know you wont stay there forever, i know youre gonna move . . . again hmmmm this is crazy, but i know i left you to be with your art you always put me first, and somehow that broke my heart it's not my place to choose my first love, and my only muse sea green, see blue hmmmm

entry 57 [26 Feb 2006|01:12pm] [ music | tegan & sara - you wouldn't like me ] ( last night i broke down )

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